don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've blown a few things in my day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
