I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
