and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
