Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
