Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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