Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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