The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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