I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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