he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they need to just BURY HIM!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
