one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
