You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
