Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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