is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
