last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
