I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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