Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
