$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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