When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
