is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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