yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
