Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize