In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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