remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
