I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
