he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
