so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
