he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
