Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
