I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
