Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
