I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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