That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
