Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
