so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're like the curious george of whores
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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