Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
