He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
