Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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