im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
