Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
