all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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