He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
