Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
