Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
