Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
