I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
