i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
