so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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