He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
