Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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