Already got asked if we're dating
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
