i can't believe i had my finger in that
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
