I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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