Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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