I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
