Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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