party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
