its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
