I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
