you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
