You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I smell stomach acid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
