i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
