Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
