That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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