The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
