I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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