i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
