my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
